almost lovers…
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
I defriended Anthony. I ignored his text, and his message. I was going to get over him, by ignoring him. But I realized that he thought i was mad at him for not getting coffee again… and I don’t want him to think that I’m mad at him. ‘Cause i’m not mad, I just want to be done. And the only way i can make sure that that happens is by getting rid of all the small things that keep us connected. I keep up with him by looking at his facebook or myspace. Or by sending him stupid facebook messages saying everything but how i actually feel. So in order to rid myself of my pointless hopes… I cut it off at the root. Unfortunately he noticed soon after and texted me. He asked if i was mad. I ignored it. Then two days later he sent me a facebook msg calling me weak…real weak. So i responded asking for clarification on what weak meant. He just responded by saying that he wasn’t sure on why i was mad at him, and wanting me to “shine some light on him”. That was friday, today is wednesday. He called yesterday but i missed it. I am on the border, and don’t know which side i should choose. My mind tells me to just explain it to him and forget about him. It’s the logical thing to do, and would save me the heartache. Yet I also know that you can’t just turn off the switch to my heart. It’s going to like him no matter what i do, at least thats how its always been up to now. My mom keeps telling me not to completely give up on him, but to just put him on my ‘options’ list. which i agree to an extent, but it’s so hard for me to do that with him especially when i have him on my “obsessed” with list. I think that this is what i need to do to put him on that list. or i hope it will get the job done. – so i’m supposed to call him or him call me or talk to him on the phone sometime soon. I just keep putting it off because i don’t know how to describe this to him. How do you tell someone that they mean TOO much to you, so much that it’s unhealthy…and that you don’t feel like this road is going to lead you anywhere? how does a woman reveal her soul to a man, without being too emotional, or too blunt…or too much of an open book. I just wish he could see that he means the world to me, and that i would wait for him. if it wasn’t so hard. and if it wasn’t affecting every area of my life. Why can’t God just take feelings away. My mom & rowdy think i shouldn’t give up. And i can’t really decide what to do, but the song “almost lovers” seems to be explaining what i’m feeling right now. blah – i dunno what to do.
