the white sheep
Virginity seems to be so rare now-a-days. I feel like I’m an outcast, and the weird one because everyone else does it. This fact doesn’t at all change my stance, but it definately makes me feel hopeless somedays. My friend Kevin is in town for the A&M vs. BAYLOR game – we just won 41/21. But at lunch he shared some info that made my heart hurt – Peter is no longer a virgin. In fact, he’s somewhat of a manwhore. I know it’s stupid, but my heart broke a little bit when he told me that…and i had to get control of myself so i wouldn’t cry infront of him, or in the restaurant. I don’t really know why it affected me so much. I can’t tell if its because i was his first kiss, and his first love. Or if it’s because somewhere deep down inside me I didn’t want to let go of the hope that maybe someday we’d end up back together, and complete the fairytell that I’d once dreamed of. I can’t say that I’m suprised at all, just disappointed. I thought that for sure he’d hold out, maybe tell people that he was no longer a virgin to look cool ( because that is what Peter would do ) but not actually do it. where’d my peter go? I miss him so much.
Another frustrating point. It seems like more & more guys have lost interest in me when they learn that I am a virgin & intend to stay so. For example skyler. He keeps making stupid comments about it all the time, and acts like i’m some white sheep never tainted by dirt or something. He knows what all I’ve done, and my views on most things – so I just don’t get why he does that. He got so frustrated when I told him that kevin was going to stay with me at my apartment. He couldnt believe that i would do that, and he was warning me that kevin was going to try & make a move on me or something. It was absolutely rediculous. But i really hate that… i hate how most guys are just in it for the instant gratification & pleasure. I just wanna be grown up already and married to someone who loves me. I hate boys.
